73% of addict come from homes where there is not much affection and are rigid and “black and white.”
Addiction can be explained as the repetition of a propensity that an individual does with his/her complete learning. At the end of the day, they unmistakably know and comprehend that they need to leave the particular propensity for either ingesting a substance or performing a specific action, yet can’t cease from doing likewise.
Disconnection and forlornness are said to be the principle contributing factors.
As with all addictions individuals begin with delicate porn. Like medications, they will likewise require bigger measurements to make them feel high. They will start scanning for more explicit porn content.
Addicts feel separate, invest a huge measure of energy secured their rooms or own reality. Watching porn personally separates them from social contact leading into a dreamland a long way from reality.
Pornographic addicted individuals may indulge in creative energy with multiple partners by watching porn along these lines bringing about disillusionment in family lives.
Men, who are addicted, attempt to become dominant, introvert, deal with anxiety, and develop low self-esteem.
Porn makes the real universe and world exhausting leaving its viewers dissatisfied and less sensitive to the passionate feelings of ordinary life.
Men exposed to an expansive volume of pornography have a tendency to be less mindful in their vocation and suffer from thinking capacity.
Men who view pornography in an exceptionally youthful age have been found to view ladies just as objects of craving than to have regard to them as individuals.
The best approach to overcome the addiction is to become socially active.
Addicts who have been given proper professional direction and assistance have overcome and conquered their propensity for watching porn.
Core Beliefs (Distortions) or lies we believe about ourselves
“I am unlovable.”
“If I share everything, you will reject me.”
“If I depend on others, they will let me down
“Sex is my most important need
These core beliefs affect how the addict sees the world. A teenage male may have been neglected by his parents, was shy and didn’t feel like he was good enough to ask a girl out on a date.
He then goes down the path of least resistance. Rather than dealing with his anxieties in asking a girl out for a date, he may find himself looking at porn and masturbating instead.
This behaviour further confirms his insecurity: that he is “not okay.” Comparing himself with others he instils the feeling that he does not have what it takes to make it in the world of dating.
Isolation sets in and he begins to retreat from the world both physically and but emotionally, feeling more unlovable and “not okay,”
While this sounds painful, there is the other side of addiction—the high. He has found something that really works to make him feel good- lust
He doesn’t need to bother anyone, and it doesn’t cost too much money, although it can if his acting out is phone sex, acting out with prostitutes or videos. In a strange way, he might feel more like a man while using in the fantasies he creates.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style
Those with a strong Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style tend to manifest at least several of the following traits on a regular basis:
- Highly self-directed and self-sufficient. Independent behaviorally and emotionally.
- Avoid true intimacy which makes one vulnerable, and may subject the Dismissive-Avoidant to emotional obligations.
- Desire freedom physically and emotionally (“No one puts a collar on me.” Pushes away those who get too close (“I need room to breathe.”)
- Other priorities in life often supersede a romantic relationship, such as work, social life, personal projects and passions, travel, fun, etc. In these situations, the partner is frequently excluded, or holds only a marginal presence.
- Many have commitment issues. Some prefer to be single than to settle down. Even in committed relationships, they prize autonomy above much else.
- May have many acquaintances, but few truly close relationships.
CHARACTERISTICS OF DISMISSIVE-AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE
Dismissive-avoidant individuals are comfortable living independently and do not seek or desire close emotional relationships. they seek less intimacy and affection
They are often high achievers and enjoy professional success. Independence and self-sufficiency are normally admirable traits, especially when compared with maladaptive traits like co-dependency. They often do not tend to the needs of their partners as required.
However dismissive-avoidant individuals often deny the basic human need for connection and intimacy with others to their own detriment. They maintain an emotional distance and have the ability to shut off emotionally when their partners are distressed.
They value independence and self-sufficiency above all else, and view dependency on others as a vulnerability.
The high self-esteem is often only armor to cover the belief he or she is not truly worthy of love and attention.
Profile of a sex and porn addict
It was determined that sex addicts tend to come from families where addiction is common.
For example, mothers (25%), fathers (38%), and siblings (46%) had significant alcohol problems. Mothers (18%), fathers (38%), and siblings (50%) had similar problems with sexual acting out.
Parallel patterns existed with eating disorders, alcoholism, pathological gambling, and compulsive work habits.
Only 13 percent of sex addicts reported a family of origin with no addictions. Consequently, we know that growing up in a family with existing addictions is a factor.
77% of sex addicts in the study experienced their families as rigid, dogmatic, and inflexible.
They also found their families to be disengaged (87%), i.e., detached, uninvolved, and emotionally absent.
Thus, they came from environments in which failure to bond was the norm.
Another major area of impact was the role of child abuse. Addicts reported physical abuse (72%), sexual abuse (81%), and emotional abuse (97%).
Furthermore, the more sexually and physically abused the respondents were as children, the more addictions they had as adults.
Emotional abuse was a significant factor in addicts who abused children themselves.
Sexual Addiction CYCLES
four stages:
- Fantasy (Preoccupation)
- Ritualization (The Bubble)
- Compulsive Sexual Behavior (Acting Out)
- Despair (Shame)
Stage One – Triggers (Shame/Blame/Guilt)
Triggers are catalysts that create a need/desire to act out sexually. Depression, anxiety, loneliness, boredom, stress, shame, anger and any other form of emotional or psychological (or even physical) discomfort can easily trigger an addict’s desire to escape, avoid and dissociate.
Stage Two – Fantasy (Control)
After being triggered, sex addicts automatically turn to their primary coping mechanism – sexual fantasies. The addict’s fantasies do not involve memories of bad experiences or unwanted consequences.
Stage Three – Ritualization
Ritualization is where fantasy moves toward reality.
The addict logs on to the computer and goes to his or her favourite porn site, or hops in the car and drives to a place where sex workers congregate or begins the process of booking an out-of-town business trip on which he or she can act out sexually without restraint.
Stage Four – Acting Out (Release)
Sex addicts are looking to escape emotional discomfort, not to experience the pleasure of orgasm. Orgasm actually brings their high to an abrupt halt so they try to prolong this stage as long as possible.
Stage Five – Numbing
In other words, in this stage of the cycle the addict’s denial kicks in in full force as a way to temporarily protect him/her from the next stage.
After acting out, sex addicts attempt to distance themselves emotionally from what they’ve just done (again!). They justify their behaviors, telling themselves, “If my spouse was nicer to me, I wouldn’t need to do this.”
They rationalize their behaviors, telling themselves, “Hooking up with people online for mutual masturbation isn’t really cheating, because I don’t actually touch the other person and I don’t even give that person my real name.”
Stage Six – Despair (Shame/Blame/Guilt)
Eventually, they start to feel ashamed, guilty and remorseful. And that brings on, bring on self-loathing, anxiety and depression.
This is exactly the sort of emotional discomfort that typically triggers sexual addiction, which spins which starts up the cycle again.
Rage and anger have long been recognized as a component in sexual violence with people imposing their sexual desires on others. Therefore, anger that has been sexualized. Anger and rage have many faces in human sexual behavior that have been obscured by their erotic content.
Sex is used to restore power in some way. A husband could not deal with conflict with his spouse, he restored his sense of self by acting out in a way in which she had no control.
His self-talk is about deserving (entitlement) the sex because he is so misunderstood, or she deserves what he does because her behavior is so bad. Except she never finds out if spouse keeps it a secret.
Coincidentally it is also one of the most common causes for affairs.
The above example resulted in the sexually compulsive behaviour of the sex addict which is their solution to an intimacy deficit (google Intimacy Disorder)