Sex and Porn addictions are complicated mental illnesses. Thankfully, as of recent years, we now know more about the condition than ever before.
One fact we now understand for certain is that family of origin fuels and feeds sex and porn addiction. Simply stated, a family of origin is the family or caretakers a person grew up with. Researchers are uncovering more about how our families of origin — typically our biological families — play a role in our sexual development. Generally, our families of origin can influence whether we are able to have healthy sexual relationships.
Family Lifestyles
For better or worse, the atmospheres within our childhood households affect the type of adults we grow up to be. The rules and lifestyles promoted within our families of origin determine how many of us will view sex and sexuality throughout our lives.
Home Atmosphere
Episodes of secrecy, addiction, and dysfunction within the home often surrounded adults who now struggle with sex addiction.
Extreme types of sexual boundaries consistently existed within these homes. These boundaries fell on either end of a normal spectrum — either stifling any sexual thoughts or behaviors or completely failing to set boundaries at all.
Parents
Adults who struggle with sexual addiction also tend to be the offspring of similar types of parents. Parenting style plays a huge role in the family of origin. Not surprisingly, many sex and porn addicts report consistencies when describing their upbringing.
Sex addicts typically had fathers who were described as “unapproachable” or “remote.”
These men tended to be distant toward their children, and many were often struggling with addictive behaviors themselves.
The mothers of sex addicts were consistently described as “fussy” and “controlling.” These behaviors likely were in an attempt to overcompensate for the father’s absent nature.
The Role of Children
Distant fathers and overbearing mothers made for less-than-ideal parents. The children parented by them generally learned to keep their emotions hidden and their needs suppressed. As these children learned to consistently “deny” their own emotions, they grew increasingly needy and unfulfilled. Unfortunately, this type of emotional dysfunction typically followed these children into adulthood and into their relationships.
Additionally, these sex and porn addicts were typically placed into one of two categories as children: they were either the “scapegoat” child or the “hero” child. These children were whatever their parents needed them to be — either someone to blame or someone to praise. Researchers believe this is why adult sex addicts develop such a strong sense of familial duty. Family is about obligation and fulfilling roles and responsibilities — and is no longer a place for joy, love, or passion.
Sexual Dysfunction Throughout the Family
Those who study sex addiction have also found that sexual dysfunction is extremely common in the families of origin of sex addicts. The statistics are startling. Of adults who struggle which sex addiction, an estimated 50% of their siblings, 40% of their fathers, and 18% of their mothers also have sexual problems. This reinforces the idea that a person’s family of origin drastically impacts the type of person they will grow up to be.